6/15/26:  I Burned Out Twice Before I Learned What Balance Really Means

I’m 40 years old and I’ve suffered burnout TWICE!

The first time was terrible, haunts me still, and I am grateful for it.

Grateful because it allowed me to see the second time before I was completely in it.  Grateful because if I had not had that experience I would not be who I am today.

The version of me seven years ago loved her family.  My husband, he was the best partner you could ask for – picking up the slack when I couldn’t be there and man I loved him for it.  My daughters, the center of my entire world – they were the center of every decision I made. 

But were they?

Because that job, the one that didn’t even claim a top five spot in the “what’s important to you” list, claimed all of me.  All my time.  All my emotional and physical energy.  All my life. 

You see, I hit a point where I was working nights, weekends, and holidays.  I cradled my laptop one year as my family decorated the Christmas tree.  I skipped trips and activities because there was work to be done.  On those nights I didn’t bring the computer home?  Man, I was spent!  My battery was empty – I had nothing to give my family.  I just wanted a bottle of wine.

All of a sudden, that wine was the only thing that brought me peace.

I hated my job.  I hated the wife I was.  I hated the mom I was.  I hated myself.

Then my beautiful, empathetic girl brought me back to life. 

On a cold February day, after an exhausting day at work and a trip to deliver Girl Scout cookies where I cried in the car, I sat down with my bottle of wine.  That sweet girl climbed into my lap and said “mommy, your breath smells like wine.  It smells like wine a lot lately.”

This moment brought me a different sort of tears.  Tears of the realization I had let everything fall apart. 

You see, after that moment I made a choice to take control of my life.  My first decision was to start making the people I said were the most important in the world (husband, daughters) the most important people in the world. 

My husband and I had a very real conversation about what our finances looked like, how I felt emotionally and physically, and how I wanted to serve our family differently.  For everything to fall into place, I had to do away with a position that had allowed my boundaries to crumble. 

The long story short of it is, we went through the process to make me a part-time employee which lasted until COVID-19, then I became a PRN (as needed) employee, until the point I was disrespected at such a blatant level I chose to walk away completely.

All that to say, this experience of burnout taught me the principles I have lived by for the past 6-7 (see what I did there) years and now mentor women toward.   This was the foundation for:

• Clearly understanding priorities
• Managing time around priorities
• Saying “yes” to what matters and “no” to what does not
• Making self-care a priority

Because the scary truth is, I am not alone.  42% of women report experiencing some level of burnout.  33% of mothers with young children experience frequent burnout (Gallup data). 

How did we get to this point?

I would point the finger to two things:  “hustle” culture and glorifying busyness.

You hear it everywhere – “hustle”.  Hustle is defined as energetic activity, but energetic does not mean intentional.  There are professional life and business coaches that encourage hustle, the belief that you will work your ass off now to get what you want and you can stop later. 

The problem is, there is always the next thing to work for and pretty soon we have destroyed everything that is valuable just trying to get to where we want to go. 

The other one is glorifying busyness, which goes hand in hand with hustle.

I recently shared on social media that our family has several weekends in a row of no plans and I was actually struggling with that lack of activity.  Terrible, right?  My husband and I get very excited when we have weekends of nothing, but I, like many, feel the need to pack them. 

As a society, we have come to believe stillness=laziness. 

Not true!  Still can mean balance.

Once you can let go of the “hustle” and “busy” and settle on balance, you would be surprised by the peace you can feel. 

Here are just a few of the physical and emotional improvements I felt when I decided to stop running and be present.  I bet a few of these will hit home.

My exhaustion improved – in a mental and physical sense.  I had that “end of the rope” feeling most days and once I decided to set boundaries and get priorities in order, that feeling lifted.  Not only that, but my sleep that used to be a wreck was now uninterrupted and rejuvenating.

The anger I felt toward everyone fell away.  I was no longer mad at my work because they were all of me.  I was no longer mad at my family because they were getting less of me than they should.  Small things that used to trigger large emotions no longer did.

I realized I used wine to mask emotions, not unwind.  I made a decision to do away with alcohol as a “solution” when I was experiencing negative emotions.  To this day, I do not drink when I am sad or mad.  I know it makes me a person I do not want to be.  I was also physically healthier because no matter what anybody tells you, wine isn’t good for your heart when you drink 1-2 bottles a day.

I have been sick less since getting myself to a place of balance.  I have some health complications and being healthy has always been a challenge, but once I got my mind feeling well, my body seemed to follow.

It may have been the demands I put on myself, it may have been demands my employer intentionally or unintentionally put on me, but either way, an environment was created where work became life.

Now, I told you at the beginning I’ve burned out twice.

About two and a half years ago, I was working full-time for a different health center than I’ve been talking about and working for a poker tour.  The poker tour was experiencing growth that would mean more travel, more time from home.

I was already struggling with the hours going into both and I felt myself slipping into that same pattern of feeling like I was giving everything to the wrong places and failing where I needed to succeed.

The nice part was, I felt that before it pulled me under.  Before I let my boundaries down, my husband and I had a talk about what it would look like to only do what I had been able to comfortably do for the past couple years and we made decisions that worked for our family, or life situation, and kept everything in check.

We made a decision for work to happen around life, not life around work.  

My dream would be that not all women need to hit this ☝🏼 point before they know change needs to happen, but I want you to take a moment and think about life.

What are your priorities?

What does your calendar right now look like?

Do those priorities and your calendar seem to line up?

Are you constantly saying “yes” when you want to say “no”?

If it feels out of whack, it probably is and it is time for a makeover. 

I wish I could tell you balance is something you achieve once and never think about again, but that isn’t true.

Balance is something you protect over and over again.

It is about boundaries.

It is hard to have conversations.

It is choosing what matters before it chooses for you.

My Weekly Reset Checklist is actually all the steps I walked through when I chose to find balance.  I still do these steps every day/week/month.  I’d encourage you to go grab your free copy today.

If you feel like you are way down a path of sacrificing yourself and what is important and need help getting back on track, 1-on-1 coaching can help.  If you’d like to see if Balance & Business with Melissa is a good fit for you, book your FREE 30-minute discovery call.